Published inSlackjawWe’re Offsetting Our Coal-Burning Factory Emissions By Watering Your Mom’s Gardenias For A WeekendHi. I’m Larbo Dax, CEO of Coal-Source Plaztix, and climate change is happening — I’m brave enough to admit that.Apr 14, 20222Apr 14, 20222
Published inSlackjawI Shredded So Hard I Ripped Through the Fabric of SpacetimeIt was a pow day that began like any other — with me and my buddy Trav hammering tallboys of session IPA on the gondie and crushing our…Mar 23, 20227Mar 23, 20227
Published inSlackjawI’m iCloud’s “Featured Photos,” Just Poppin’ Up Again To Break Your Little HeartHey, looks like you’re having a pretty good day! I’m so happy for you. Here’s a photo of your dead dog.Feb 8, 20223Feb 8, 20223
Why I Didn’t Write This YearI didn’t write much in 2021. Every time I sat down to do it, which wasn’t very often, I froze up for fear of communicating the wrong thing…Dec 28, 20215Dec 28, 20215
Published inSlackjawExcerpts From My Spy Kids Fan FictionLong live the Thumb Thumbs.Apr 7, 20216Apr 7, 20216
Published inSlackjawThe Five Twerpiest Kids I Dunked On During Recent Quarantine WalksEvery Saturday Peaboy is out at the end of his drive, trying and failing to leverage his shrimpy little arms to shoot hoops.Mar 5, 20215Mar 5, 20215
Published inThe Belladonna ComedyA Selection of Heart Metaphors From My Romance NovelDarlington’s heart stopped, spun around on one foot, clapped its hands thrice in the air, and declared: “Dios mio.”Feb 23, 20212Feb 23, 20212
Published inSlackjawMy Bass Pro Snapbacks, RankedLast time I had the Traveling Chapeau I wore it hunting with Mayhem Mark, and he shot nothing, and I shot fourteen moose.Jan 18, 20212Jan 18, 20212
Published inSlackjawPick-Up Lines For 2020Call me the Dow Jones industrial average when trading opened on March 9th, because I’m falling hard for you.Nov 3, 20205Nov 3, 20205
Published inSlackjawI Am A Walking Fall ClichéChrist, dude, strip my lungs raw and bread ’em with pumpkin crumbs.Sep 22, 20207Sep 22, 20207
